Stabbed
by Shadowflame611
Summary: Character death? No amount of training can assure protection from the inevitable... M for language.
1. Treachery of a Once Thought Ally

_Alright, another short fic that I have been working of for the past day or two. Don't worry, I haven't given up on my other two stories… It's just I was in a Leo-ish mood, and wanted to write a story just for him. It's nothing special, just a lil something that will hopefully entertain my readers. (And not in a comic way, mind you.)_

_Heh… I kindof threw this together, and I tried to edit out as many mistakes as I could, but if anyone sees a way that I can improve this story, please don't hesitate to point it out: )_

_Note that italics signify thoughts or flashbacks._

_**Disclaimer: The Ninja Turtles and other related characters do not belong to me.**_

_**This story has been slightly edited. Nothing too big, everyone... just some spelling/grammar/ it'll-sound-better-if-I-type-this changes. :-)

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**Stabbed**

I opened my eyes for what could be the last time, taking in the familiar surroundings of my room. My back was against the wall, with my legs haphazardly folded underneath me in what could be viewed as a mock imitation of the lotus position. But I couldn't meditate. I didn't dare. For I feared that if I shut my eyes again, it would be the last thing I would do.

Every breath that I took sent sharp pains flowing though my body, starting from the wound in my chest and spider-webbing through my veins, making the once simple task of breathing an agony.

I focused my vision on the small candle that I had managed to light before I collapsed against the wall. The small, flickering flame did nothing to banish the darkness that surrounded me, choked me, nor did it succeed in soothing my pain, physical or emotional. My eyes followed a blob of wax as it slithered down the candle's cylindrical form, representing the tears that I dare not shed. For once, my stubborn pride does not cause me to resist the urge to cry. I only hold back because cannot afford to waste my energy on such an act.

But... is it possible that I am taking up _more _energy holding them back?

My animal instincts, the ones that come naturally to a turtle, tell me the end is near. The turtle part of me is ready to die. The tiny flame of it's presence flickers in the back of my mind. It whispers to me, urging me to let go. However, the other, more human side of me refuses to give up so easily. It digs its heels into life, fighting a loosing battle to stay in this world, in this conciousness. I readily follow it's example.

I won't leave now. I can't. Not while I still have a family to take care of. My brothers— my beloved brothers that I will do anything to protect-- still need me. I must be here to give them strength, reassurance, during this terrible time.

As Master Splinter instructed me to do before he passed three days ago.

Desperately, I begin seek comfort, distraction, in my surroundings. Something that will allow me to hold on until my kin return. My eyes fall onto the trail of blood snaking its way from somewhere outside my door to a pool that surrounds me, a grisly reminder of my current condition. I painfully look down to see blood spurting from around the short blade embedded in my chest, feeding the ever- growing pool of the life-giving fluid.

The dark pool reminds me that I am hanging onto life not by a rope, but by a mere thread.

Suddenly a great wave of energy seems to seep through my skin, and I slump even more against the ever-supporting wall. Exhaustion overtakes me, and the urge to simply lie back and sleep grows strong. But still my stubbornness prevents me from giving in to the darkness. I blink hard, trying to clear a sudden blur in my vision. Though instead of succeeding in getting my sight back, I am greeted with another result.

The image of a beautiful Japanese woman floats just inches away from me. My killer, Karai. I reach out to her, only succeeding in grasping thin air, not realizing that the image was nothing but a hallucination.

But despite my weakness, my tiredness, my light- headedness, I remember. I remember what happened…

_I was alone. Well, not alone in a sense that there are no other beings around, just alone… as in without my brothers. There are plenty of others around, humans that I can see from a birds eye view as I jump from building to building. They go about their daily life, completely unaware of my presence._

…_Or so I hoped. Ever since the Triceratons had broadcasted out existence publicly over the planet, more and more of those alien freaks ('Men in Black', Mikey called them) were searching virtually everywhere for us… **including **the sewers. Good thing that Donnie had put up all those handy gadgets that kept our lair hidden. Otherwise we would have found ourselves taken to a lab and dissected before one could shout 'cowabunga' three times._

_I was out and about because I needed to get out of the lair. I needed to be away from the sadness that had been constantly lingering over my shoulder. No matter what room I went into, the sounds of Michelangelo sobbing or Raph beating the stuffing out of his punching bag still somehow managed to travel to my ears. I couldn't take it anymore. I had comforted my brothers many times while they grieved… But I needed to grieve, too, in my own way. And so I left a note on the kitchen table, telling my brothers to expect me about two hours. I figured two hours was plenty of time to do whatever I had to do._

_It felt good to be alone, to clear my thoughts. To ponder without interruption what Master had said to me on his last breath, as the fever finally won over his body. Apparently, he trusted me to achieve the goal that he was unable to accomplish in his life: To kill Shredder, and therefore avenge Yoshi._

_But where, when, and how? Was I truly ready to carry out his dying wish? Father spent his life as a sentient being training for us for this…maybe he didn't expect the deed to be carried out right away? I sighed in frustration as I landed in a puddle, splashing cold rainwater all around me. I raised my head to the clear night sky, wishing that I could see the stars. But the city's lights are too bright for that. I felt hot tears burn my eyes, threatening to shatter my composure for the umpteenth time since my father passed. And, for the umpteenth time, I held them back._

"_Master, when will I know that I am ready?" I spoke to the black atmosphere, my heart weighed down with sorrow, grief, and confusion._

_The only response that came to me was a light breeze, just enough to make the ends of my blue mask stir. Frustrated with the answer I received, I growled ill temperedly to myself and clenched my hands into fists, holding them up before me. I had fought Shredder many times before. Together, with my family._

"_And every single danm time we lost," I voiced my thoughts bitterly, "And during those battles we had you with us, master. How are we to do this without you?"_

_The breeze grew stronger. Was it replying? No, that couldn't be. There are no such things as ghosts, or communicating with the dead._

…_But if I didn't believe in communicating with the dead, then why was I speaking to my dead father? Was it out of desperation to hear his voice again?_

_Suddenly, I froze as stiff as a statue. I was no longer alone. I sensed the presence of another being. Was it one of my brothers? No, it couldn't be…_

"_Leonardo." An adult female voice, laced with a Japanese accent, wafted from the shadows. I knew who it was, and would have liked to relax in her presence, to trust her. But I couldn't. She was my enemy's daughter, and she owed him everything; unfortunatly for myself and my brothers, the demise of the Shredder's worst enemies were at thetop of the list. Though she had a sense of honor that was unlike her father's…if she had to kill me, at least I had the small comfort that she was carrying out the order reluctantly, against her will._

"_Show yourself, Karai." The words that came from my mouth were much harsher than intended. Part of me hoped that she would disregard my tone._

"_Leonardo." She said again, melting from the shadows to my left. "I have to…" She paused, reading my facial expression in the dim light. "What ails you?" Was that concern in her voice?_

_I pretended that I didn't hear her question. "You have to what? I don't have time to talk, so let's get this over with." Why was I being so unpleasant? Usually when Karai and I met, we spoke more formally, almost kindly, to each other. But now…_

_She seemed slightly agitated about something. "I must… Leonardo, understand that it was just a twist of fate that we met tonight. For the past week, my master sent me out on a patrol to…find you."_

"_And be rid of me." I meant what I said to some out as a question, not a statement. She bowed her head. "Karai, this news is not new to me."_

"_I am aware of that, Leonardo. Normally I would have let you go, but… I am being watched."_

"_Then aren't you worried that they will pick up on this conversation?"_

_In response, she drew her weapon._

_I felt adrenaline begin to coarse through my veins, but I didn't move to draw my own katanas. "Do you really plan to go through with this?" It seemed like the right question to ask, despite the fact that both of us already knew the answer._

"_Leonardo, please understand that I **must**."_

"_You must what? Kill me? For what, love, honor?"_

"_You know. You are not a stupid man, Leonardo."_

"_If you follow Saki's orders, then I don't believe that you are allowed to view me as a man."_

"_Please, I beg you to let me get on with this."_

"_I have done nothing to stop you." I said, "If you had truely wanted to kill me out of cold blood as your father orders, then I would be fighting for my life by now. Karai, that's what separates you from Shredder's other assassins. You know what you do is wrong. I ask you again: do you really want to do this?"_

_She sighed, lowered her gaze. "Yes, Leonardo. I must kill you, as my master orders."_

"_That being your decision, I'll let you know that I can't let you do that, Karai, and you know why." I said, drawing my katana. If it were not for my family, I would have allowed her to run me though then and there. But I still had duties to accomplish._

_She nodded behind the lethal protection of her cold steel. "Let us battle honorably, then."_

"_There is no honor in killing a once-called ally." Long ago, when Shredder was thought to be dead and Karai took over the Foot, she promised allegiance. But, once her father came back, the promise was broken._

_Guilt made Karai hesitate momentarily before she moved to strike._

At some point during that battle, she had managed to plunge one of her short daggers into my chest. I had hesitated for half a heartbeat, and that was all the time she needed.

And, by lifting her arm to stab me, she left her left side wide open. I attacked, and one slash with my twin blades led to another…

The image of her lifeless body flashed before my eyes, and I shuddered involuntarily. I didn't want to kill her. I cared for her as a friend, and Raphael always hated the tenderness that I expressed. 'Shredder's bitch' was his nickname for her. He always told me that she would betray us one day, and we would kill each other… And now it had happened. And it was my fault for not listening.

It was my fault that she was gone, and my fault that her blade is still lodged in my chest… If I had stayed here, where I belonged, instead of succumbing to my aching heart, this would never have happened…

_I could not tell whose blood covered my body, Karai's or mine. Probably both. Heart full of shame, I turned away from the body, which had it's left side sliced open and it's throat slit..._

_Her death added to the grief that weighed my heart down. She had been a beautiful woman in many respects._

_My thoughts were interrupted as pain threatened to split my chest in two at that simple movement of turning away. My breath hissed out from between my teeth as I automatically put a hand to my chest, realizing that the knife was still there. 'Better not pull it out…' I remember thinking. 'Better let Donnie take care of it…'_

_I looked up at the sky, realizing that dawn was beginning to break on the horizon. How long had I been away from home? How long have I left my brothers alone?_

_I tried to take a step forward, but the pain increased and I had to stop, gritting my teeth until the wave passed. Even if I could stumble all the way to the lair, it would be a very painful task. Plus, I'd probably loose more blood than I needed to. I didn't think that the blade had hit any major organs, but it was still a good idea to be cautious..._

_I reached for my shell cell, only to realize with a sinking feeling that I had left it at home, on my desk. _

_'Great.'_

_The first time that I forgot something this important, and it had to be a possibly life-threatening situation._

I was left with no choice but to stumble home. It was a miracle that I made it. As soon as I made it through the lair doors, I called weakly for my brothers, but they didn't seem to be home. And so, not really knowing why, I had staggered half-blindly into my room, where sit now.

Why aren't my brothers home? Did they go searching for me? If they had, would I have been better off staying on the rooftop? If only I could call my brothers, find out where they were…

I'm am so tired… I can barely keep my eyes open, let alone get up and go to the old cordless phone in the kitchen.

…My shell cell. Where did I leave it again? As I strained to remember, the world began to spin around me. I held my breath, willing the ucomfortable feeling to pass.

…My desk. I had left the thing on my desk, which was... right next to me. Painfully, I reached up, feeling the diziness increase with each inch higher I lifted my lead- heavy arm. Finally my fingers clasped around the small gadget.

The small shell- shaped phone opened with the touch of a button, and automatically directed me to my phonebook. I highlighted the first name on the list and pushed the talk button, barely aware of what I was doing. The phone rang a few times before the voice of my younger brother picked up.

"Leo? The hell are you?" Donnie didn't seem as calm as usual... In fact, if it wasn't for the pitch of his voice, I would have thought him to be Raph.

I opened my mouth to speak, finding it not so easy as I thought. My throat felt like the sahara, and my jaw ached for some reason or another. "I-I'm at home. Donnie… I got stabbed."

The few seconds of silence seemed to stretch to fit the length of a lifetime before Don responded. "Y-you what?"

"I think its bad." My speech was slurring. I was no doctor, but I knew my condition had to be pretty bad. Of the many clues that gave my poor health away, a slipping conciousness was perhaps the most conspicuous.

"Did you pull the knife out?" I didn't answer. Another wave of dizziness had hit me hard, and I feared if I opened my mouth I would be sick. "Leo? Leo!" Don tried desperately to call me back to reality. I could hear his heavy breathing on the other line, as though he was running. "Leo, hold on. Stay with me. Talk to me. Tell me how bad it is. Tell me where the blade got you..."

I couldn't answer. It was as though the gift of speech had been mercilessly ripped from my body, leaving me with only exhaustion. My eyelids began drooping slowly, and my head lolled to the side. I was loosing consciousness…

"Leo! No! ...Listen to me! Count to ten with me... _do something productive_!" Don's voice cracked. Or was it my phone's lack of signal? Either way, it was becoming very difficult to hear my brother… his voice was so far away…

Darkness slowly crept across my vision. My grip on the phone loosened, and then the small device slipped from my slack fingers and fell to the ground with a clack. My body fell awkwardly to the side.

On the small screen of the cell, Donatello's name flashed, signifying that my phone had lost signal.

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_Hmm… I originally wanted this to be a one shot... but maybe I should write another chapter. What do yo guys think?_


	2. Fighting to Remain on the Harder Path

_A/N: …So here is the next (and last) installment of this story. I must apologize for the lateness of this chapter… I just couldn't get the danm thing right. But, after what must have been at least thirty times rereading and editing (literally), I figured that it was acceptable._

_The story goes back and forth between characters, meaning that the POV changes, and the thoughts are kindof jumpy. They kindof get on and off topic a bit… but that's how I wanted it to be, considering the situation that the characters are in.: ) ; )_

_Note that italics symbolize flashbacks, thoughts, or 'Leo'. (You guys will see what I mean about the whole 'Leo' bit while reading this.)_

_Also note that there is a lot more swearing in this chapter than the last one, but thats only because of the most handsomest beautifulest turtle in red (Hehe wow… how uncharacteristically fangirlsih of me. ) has a much bigger part in this chappie._

_((At the mention of the hot- headed turtle, Shadowflame is almost pounded into the fictional soil ofthe internetby a stampeding mob of 'squee'- ing fangirls. She takes a moment to dust herself off before joining them in their antics.))_

_Thank you to all my absolutely wonderful reviewers: **ReluctantDragon, Darktiger2, Phoenix Red Lion, pacphys, Dierdre, blueraven, Pi90katana, Sassyblondexoxo, Dreema Azaleia Wingblade, spootycup, Ruyn, Ted, KLCtheBookWorm, The Sacred Heart,** and **longing for leo.** Also, I wish to thank those of you who have reviewed for me off- site. You guys really inspired me!_

_**NOTICE- This chapter, like the first one, has been revised. Again, nothing big... just some fixing up to make the words flow together more easily. :-)**_

_And without further ado, here is the last chapter!

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_It's so dark… darker then the darkest of shadows. I walk down a tunnel- a long tunnel- towards my destination. If only I knew what that destination was…one would think that I've been here long enough to find out._

_There's a faint light at the end of this long passage. It started out as just a pinprick of golden energy, but I found that with every step that I take, the light grows slightly stronger, brighter, and more beautiful. It sings to me, the high- pitched notes bouncing off my sensitive ears. It's shining beacons of energy promise my cold body warmth. It reaches into my mind, calming me, numbing me, to all my pain. I love the light. I hunger for the light. I need the light._

_And yet, I feel as though each stride that I take towards this golden energy is in the wrong direction. That I am really supposed to be walking down the path that the dark, cold, painful part that the tunnel offers._

_But why would I select pain and cold if I could have comfort and warmth?_

'_**The harder path. Always choose the harder path…'**_

_A booming voice that I should recognize reverberates throughout the tunnel. I strain to remember the word to place with it. Con… con… conscience. Yes, I know my conscience well… the force in the back of my mind that always nags me, constantly makes me feel guilty of my actions. If I choose the light, then I can be rid of that nuisance once and for all!_

_But there is a reason as to why I have such a strong conscience… I can't remember why._

"**_Dammit, Leo… why you? Why now?"_**

_Yet another familiar voice that causes me to stop, take a second look into the depths of the darkness. A face floats there… a face that I recognize but cannot place a name with. I detect a strong bond between the two of us, a bond that also connects two other beings to me._

_And I can feel what was a fourth bond, which is now severed. I reach with my mind to lightly touch it, and pull back as a raw wave of pain hits me, both physically and mentally. The severed bond is still new, it still hurts. If I give it time, it will heal._

_But... how much time do I have? I stop in mid step, looking back and forth between the two ends of the tunnel, trying to decide whether or not I should turn around._

_And now, as though desperately searching for a way to attract me to it, the darkness radiates a new energy. Something that I have known for so long, an energy that strengthens the bonds that I have with these special people: love. If I go for the light, I forfeit this love, these bonds. Do I really want to put us through the agony of being apart? And if I take the easier path, the path to the light, I shall be reunited with the one who's bond with me was severed not too long ago. I can go to him now, and stay in my rightful place by this person's side forever._

… _And sacrifice three others. Three for one, one for three… Which side will I choose? Both sides mean equal amounts to me._

_Whatever I decide, I must think twice and select carefully…

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_**Beep, beep, beep…**_

Death. It's floods all my senses- sight, smell, taste… hell, I can even hear it. And I'll tell ya what, I'm friggin' sick of it.

I'm sick of holding back tears- wanting to cry. I haven't cried yet, not even for Splinter's death. I'm sick of sitting by my brother's still form for hours on end watching him balance on the edge of life and death, sick of seeing the looks of pain on other my brothers' faces…

I could go on an' on, but to wrap all that shit up, I'm sick an' tired of being sick an' tired.

…A lot of people are afraid of it. Death, I mean. Too many of 'em, in my opinion. They try ta cover up their fears with the hopes of goin' to a better place—Heaven or whatever. Me? I don't have a religion. I'm a simple godforsaken turtle. The only things that turtles worship are mates, water, food, an' sleep. Take Mikey for example- he eats, sleeps, and drinks around the clock.

Some people think it unwise for someone ta say that they ain't afraid of dying. If that's the case, then I guess I'm one unwise sunnava bitch. Sue me. But I guarantee that if someone were to bring a claim on me for such an idiotic reason, they ain't gonna get anything offa me 'cept my body for science.

_**Beep, beep, beep…**_

…Then again, maybe that's all they want. Whatever. I didn't say that I wasn't afraid of nothin', cause I've got a shitload of fears, but… it's my death that I don't care about. My bros... now, they're a whole 'nother story.

My eyes travel across the room, finally falling upon my youngest brother, Michelangelo, whose watch was just before mine. Earlier on when I walked into Fearless Leader's room to relieve 'im, I found him sleepin' in a pretty danm uncomfortable position in the wooden chair. I thought of waking him up… he shouldn't be sleeping during his watch; not while Leo is in a condition like this. He could have gotten worse or… ah, the hell with it. Mike hasn't slept since… I don't 'member, but it musta' been at least half a week. Plus, Leo's fine right now… well, just about as fine as he can get.

So here I am, two hours into my watch sittin' on the other side of Leo's futon an' mopping his fevered brow with yet another cool cloth... trying to drown the bitter taste of depression with a couple of beers…

I'm almost through to my second six- pack.

And, as expected, the only sound that my once big, strong bro makes is wheezy breathing. If it weren't for that, I would've thought him dead. Three danm days he's been like this; apparently not only was he suffering from blood loss, but the blade was tipped with some sort of poison as well… Thankfully Donnie managed ta find an antidote, and most of the effects of the poison went away.

…But even after that he still didn't look too good. Ta me, anyways. The others seemed to think that he was fine. That he'd get better.

Truthfully, and I know that this sounds cruel even for me, I'm just waitin' for him to croak overnight. Wouldn't surprise me. I mean, I really don' want it ta happen… no matter what goes on between us, he's still my bro. My leader. And, though I'd never admit it, he's my hero, too. He does so much for us- from taking the blame for numerous stolen cookies in our younger days to taking a hit for one of us in battle.

But if Splinter could leave us so easily, then so could Leo. People die, even the strongest ones. It's a fact. A cold, heartless fact of life that should be accepted instead of fought against... ta fight against it only brings more pain in the end.

I should know. I lived through that pain.

_**Beep, beep, beep…**_

I told Donnie that the other day. The thing about Leo dieing, and me not thinking that he is gonna make it. He got pissed- so pissed to the point that I thought I was looking in the mirror- seeing a reflection myself. He screamed at me… I didn't know my lil bro was capable of doin' that. Usually when faced with that kind of situation, I retaliate with more yellin', but… Heh, for the second time in my life, I was speechless.

The first time was way back when I in a fight with Leo… I don' remember what the fight was about, just that that Blue Boy said something that made me stop short, made my mind go blank… I tried to pull something ta say outta my mind but there was nothing there but the echo of what he had said: 'If you don't want to be here, then have it your way. I won't try to stop you again. Go. Get out and never come back.'

'Course, after that I thought up plenty of retaliations.

Anyways, back to the Donnie thing… I think that maybe Don has the same thoughts as I do on the matter, they're just buried deep in the back of his complicated mind. He don't wanno believe that Leo's gonna leave us.

Better yet, he won't _let _himself believe that. He's Donnie, after all… both him an' Mike seem ta think that there is an answer to every problem out there.

And I agree with 'em. The answer to Leo's current condition is for him to go belly- up. Period.

It's apparent that Don is disgusted with my behavior… probably doesn't wanno look at me. He locks himself in his lab, only coming out for one of three things: to take care of Leo, to visit Mike in his room, or if nature calls. As for eatin', I don' think he's shoved somethin' down ta his netherlands since we found our big bro in his room, sittin' in a puddle of his own blood.

_**Beep, beep, beep…**_

Can't say that I blame him, really. It was a pretty horrific sight ta behold. We followed the trial of blood to the lair to see Leo leanin' up against the wall by his desk, stone cold with only the slightest pulse. That danmed dagger went right through his chest plate, an' the blood seeping from the wound was outlining his plastron... Plus the candlelight flickerin' off of his still body made him look just like a corpse from one of those horror movies. Makes one wanna lose the contents of their stomach.

It was Karai who did this to Leo. It had to have been. While lookin' for Fearless Leader, we found blood on the rooftops. Donnie took a sample of it while we were up there an' ran a test when we got home, once Leo was as comfortable as he was gonna get.

I warned Leo so many- too many- times that she couldn't be trusted. And does he listen? Naww, he thinks that his ideas are better than mine- that I'm stupid or somethin'. He says he knows me; apparently I 'don't trust anyone' and I need to 'give people a chance and look into their souls'.

Three words: Bull fuckin' shit. He knows _danm _well that he's just about if not less trusting than I am. An' if he knows me so well, then he'd know that I know and see a lot more than I let off.

Like his crush on her, for example. Yup, Leo's not perfect. He has his flaws- crushin' on the enemy. _Big _no- no.That's probably why he dealt with her in the first place… in some rancid hopes that she would someday feel somethin' for him. Which she doesn't, and never will.

...Then again, now that I think of it, she does feel something for 'im. It's a little thing called hate. And even if a human like her could return the favor of love, I wouldn't bless the relationship. Not even if they were both immensely happy together. Not in a million years. She don't deserve a guy like Leo; he's too good for her.

Why didn't he see that? Why didn't he ever listen to me? Maybe, just maybe if he took the time ta hear what I thought, he wouldn't be layin' in this bed right now.

Donnie and Mike seem to think that he has his reasons for totally ignoring my humble and polite suggestions… but maybe that's just to get me offa their backs. Maybe they wouldn't trust me with anythin' 'cept a coupla beers in a locked, padded room.

But if Donnie didn't trust me, then I wouldn't be sittin' here with Leo right now- supposedly all alone. An' that's despite how pissed he is at me.

And Mike… well, let's juss say that I haven't given him any reason to trust me in the past coupla days. I haven't been a very good brother.

...Which could have also helped Donnie to snap at me the other day. Since I wasn't around to give hugs an' kisses, he was the one who had to take care of Leo's wounds and comfort Mike.

Which I really don't understand. Mike's a fuckin' adult now. Leave him be.

I sigh, finally drawing the cloth away from Leo's forehead. He doesn't even look peaceful like master Splinter did—his is face pale and his mouth sat way back in pain. My eyes travel down to the place where I knew the wound to be, and I felt my throat tighten up and my vision blur and burn, all the negative thoughts that I have had about Leo in the past three days running down the drain.

"Dammit, Leo… why you? Why now?" I half- whisper, half- croak, placing my hand on his head. The very corner of his mouth twitched as though he heard me.

Didn't it?

Naw… I've had seven beers too many. He hasn't moved on his own in three danm days… it was probably just my imagination tellin' me what I wanted to hear, again. Just like when Master Splinter came to me the day he died and told me to help Leo to take care of our family; all this other shit about responsibility…

Bullshit. It's all a bunch of bullshit. Dead people are dead; they can't communicate with the living. They don't resign to a 'better place'. They sit in the ground, cold, rotting, soulless… eaten away 'till their only shells of their former selves.

_**Beep, beep, beep…**_

…But I guess sensei is a bit different. He ain't gonna lie in the ground an' rot. Case and April came this morning to take his body away… they are gonna get it molded into cement for us, so that he can stand tall forever. Before Leo got injured, he and Mike were supposed to come up with a poem or somethin' ta carve on it, and Donnie was busy getting a marble base for the statue. The base will have four sides, one for each of us. Don was gonna carve out names inta it and everything, so that we will already have out gravestones ready… Not knowing that Leo might have to use his so soon, of course. It's an odd way to bury our master and each other, but then again, we are an odd family.

I haven't contributed shit to the danm ceremony. There's nothin' special that I can do... And that more than anything is what was botherin' me after dad died. Leo tried to get me to do something, anything, for the service. Basically, I told him to fuck off. I didn't need another person reminding me that I was completly useless at that shit.

I plop the cloth carelessly back into the bowl of water, the rag making a slight slapping sound as it hit the cold liquid.

Mike stirred and groaned. I froze, not daring to move until my lil' brother's light snores continued. I know I should carry him into his room… he'd sleep better, and he wouldn't wake up sore from leaning against that chair.

No… he can deal with minor aches. Besides, being ninja, a he'd wake up right away if I touched him. Better off if we both stayed where we were.

_**Beep, beep, beep…**_

Alright, that's it. If that danm heart monitor that Don hooked up ta Leo doesn't stop it's fuckin' beepin' soon, I'm gonna have to introduce it ta stone wall of the sewer.

_**Beep, beep, beep…**_

…I swear someone up there hates me.

My eyes stray to Leo's bedside table, looking for something to entertain myself for the time being. His blue mask was hanging limply over a lamp, most of the splotches of blood washed out by Mike, leaving only faint stains. I touched the rough fabric lightly, feeling how similar the material of Leo's mask is to mine.

… An' yet, the ones that own them are so different. Different colors, different passions… different views of life.

Underneath the mask, in the shadow of the lamp there was a small, leather book. My fingers stray to that next, running over its worn cover. I knew what this was- I remember him starting it years ago, when we were juss turtle tots: Leo's journal. I snap my head from left to right, making sure that no one was here to see me invading Leo's limited privacy.

I knew I shouldn't. But that's my nature—doing things even though I deem them morally wrong.

Conscience? Ha ha, what's that?

I want to know how Leo felt when Splinter died… I mean, he didn't seem too affected by it… maybe he was just busy takin' care of us. Well, I'll find out now. I traded the bottle of beer for the journal, placing the beverage on the small table.

I fanned through the pages, only stopping and going back when I found that there were no other entries. The last one was dated the day after Master passed away…

_April 17th, 2007, two days after father's passing:_

_Today seems to be harder to handle than yesterday… I think that the effects of the tragedy are finally sinking in. Though I want to be elsewhere, away from where my master's body lays, I know that I must stay with my brothers. I can feel their sadness radiating off of their bodies, corrupting the air like some toxic waste, making it almost impossible to breathe._

_I desperately want to end it all, right to the point that if I had hair, I would have ripped it out of my skull by now._

_Michelangelo, as I expected, is taking this the hardest. He hasn't left his room since yesterday, not eating or drinking or even taking trips to the bathroom. He just sits on his bed, notepad in front of him, writing these depressing poems. Whenever Don or I try to talk to him, he always ends up crying on the shoulder of whoever is trying to comfort him. And it's not like he's crying like he usually does when he's upset, either…he tries to get as close to his 'comforter' as he can, grabbing their shoulders and pulling you almost too close for comfort, while sobbing and calling Splinter's name… Just like when we were younger, and he had bad dreams. Except now I am in my sensei's shoes. I must be the one to comfort Mike after the nightmare that came true._

_Raph seems disgusted by his behavior, shrugging off Mike's emotional outbursts and treating him like dirt. He only visited Michelangelo once since yesterday, and that was only to claim his CD._

_It has come to my attention that Donnie goes to see our little brother every three or four hours, in between bouts of his own grief. I watch him. He always goes into Mike's room with a confident shine on his facial features. However, every time that he comes out, he is on the verge of tears. I know why. It isn't easy to try to hold on to your sobbing brother and composure at the same time._

_I followed him into his lab today, after he came out of Mike's room. I really didn't know what to do, what to say to him, except ask if he was all right. And he didn't even give me an adequate answer… just gave a slight nod and a sniff. Things got even more awkward when I pulled him into a hesitant hug… Seeing Donnie in this much distress kills me. He doesn't deserve this kind of pain, none of my brothers do. I wish that there was something more that I could do for them, other than sit around and just listen to their thoughts, their fears…_

"My brothers this, my brothers that… what about you, Leo?" I mumbled softly as I read, knowing perfectly well that my words bounced off deaf ears of both of my sleepin' brothers, "Dammit, don't you ever think about yerself?"

…_And there's Raph. I try and I try, but I cannot break that invisible barrier that separates the two of us. Maybe Raph doesn't want it broken. Maybe he doesn't want my help because he knows that he doesn't need it, doesn't need me. Which is true. I don't know why I even bother trying to go to him… Maybe it's because I need him. Though it sounds selfish, sometimes I can't help but think that maybe I care for him more than he does me. Sometimes, it certainly seems that way._

I clenched the book a little tighter, the leather and paper denting slightly and threatening to completely give way under my powerful grasp. Not true, that wasn't – it isn't true.

_**Beep, beep, beep…**_

_He's so cold to us all... and I haven't seen any other reaction from him on Splinter's death except anger. Raw, raging anger coupled with the use of several certain substances... He gets pissed at everyone and everything- home appliances included. I don't know what his problem is. Is he angry with Splinter for leaving us? Does he see our grieving brothers as weaklings? … Or maybe this is his own special way of grieving, the only way that he knows how to deal with the situation. Raph may be a hot- headed idiot, but he isn't heartless._

_I confronted him this morning. I might as well have been talking to a wall, because Raphael, in his drunken little world, had no intentions of talking things out calmly. Suffice to say things did not go too well between us. He tried to kick **me **out of the lair- **my **lair- and—_

I growl, a sound that reverberated from deep within my throat. I knew I should skip all the shit he had written about that arguement, before the urge to punch his face in that I had during that argurment came back… Besides, it's just a remake of the fight that happened between us, I was there for it. I know I told him to get out. Wouldn't be the first time, and it's not like he never tried to give me the boot, either.

But I didn't really mean it. Now, sitting next to his motionless body, scrolling down the paragraphs that defined our argument two days before he was hurt, I know that I don't want Leo to leave- never. I think I always knew that.

I can feel my usually frozen-rock-solid heart begin to thaw out.

_...But I think that I will need to get out soon. I need to grieve, and for that, I do not want to be interrupted. No crying, no screaming, no Donnie poking his head into my room for assistance with Mikey… Just me. Alone._

_Which sounds selfish. My time should be completely devoted to my brothers, until they get over this terrible ordeal._

…_But I feel as though if I don't get away soon, I'll crack in front of my brothers. I don't want that- I need to stay strong. But the feelings of grief keep welling up, threatening to come crashing though my well- constructed emotional dam._

_Plus, I don't think that I could deal with Raph's constant teasing on my tears... or whatever it is that I end up doing._

Leo left the next day. So... _that _was what he was doing...

* * *

_**Beep, beep, beep...**_

_I have decided to go to the dark side. I need to go. They need me… or do I need them? Perhaps I will find out when I get back._

_Back where?_

_Back to wherever they are._

_Who are they?_

_Don't know. But whoever they are, they mean absolutely everything and more. My devotion, my inspiration, my..._

_My whatever they are._

…_But I suddenly can't move in the opposite direction. It's almost as though invisible ropes were binding me to the light._

_And, to my horror, I realize that I am being slowly pulled backwards- towards the golden energy- completely against my will._

_Nearing panic at the thought, I slam myself against the ground, my body making no sound as it smashed against the cold stone. I open my mouth in a silent scream, digging my fingernails into the ground and trying frantically to move against the force that pulls me back. It worked- after what seemed like an eternity, I was able to move a few feet towards my destination. However, the strain took a considerable amount of energy from me. My body screamed at me, begging for a break._

_But I can't rest. For if I do, all my work would be undone as the 'rope' pulls me backwards at an increasing rate._

_And so I slither my body onward, ignoring my protesting muscles and focusing on nothing but getting to where I want to be until I finally make it to the end of the tunnel._

_As close as I now am, it becomes apparent why this was the darker side of the tunnel. Wall. A solid-looking dark wall of black rock was all that it was. Had I worked for nothing? As my last resort, I reached forward with a hand and tentatively touched the stone._

_Warmth erupted from the tips of my fingers and spread throughout my arm to the rest of my limbs, giving me an odd sensation. Almost like I am being pulled into the wall itself._

_And then it stopped, and the cold feeling returned to my limbs. I had a body. But I can't move at all, as though my body is made of lead. My eyes are glued shut. My dry lips seemed to be sealed together. But my nose- now that is a different story. I am breathing. With every breath that I take, pain shoots from a certain part of my chest, and I found myself groaning aloud with the intensity of it._

_Along with the breathing, the sound of a beating heart- my heart- became the only sound that I can hear. With each beat, it seemed to fill my head with so much force that I thought it would burst._

_And then the beating was gone. It became a throbbing pain that seems to fill every crevice of my head, but I found that I can hear once again._

_**Beep, beep, beep…**_

_And it was with great effort that I opened my eyes.

* * *

_

I shut Leo's diary with a snap, placing it promptly back on the desk an' taking my beer back. My watch is over. I feel like I know Leo better than I ever did before— I had went back days, months, and even years ta see how he reacts to things.

Well, whaddaya know… though he acts it, Leo ain't so different from the rest of us after all.

Someone groaned behind me. Thinking it was Mike, I turned to see 'im in the same position that he was in when I last bothered ta look. Not Mike… then who? I can't sense anyone in the room 'cept me, Mike an'-

And Leo. Slowly, I turned to look at his still body. His foggy blue eyes are open- and he was is staring right at me.

I jumped up from my chair, the wooden legs screeching against the stone floor of the sewer, unable to believe what I was seeing.

"Leo?"

He gave me a half- smile and croaked out something inaudible. I moved to his side and he followed me with his eyes, eyes that seemed too out of focus for my comfort.

"Leo?" I repeated, touching his clammy arm lightly.

"Brother... t-that's what you are."

I furrowed my eye ridges at him, confused. "Eh?" Instead of answering, Leo leaned back, closed his eyes, and sighed.

Then his head went limp.

_**Beep- beep. Beep- beep. Beeeep.**_

And his pulse on the monitor changed. Not really a doctor here, but I don' think that that's too good.

"Leo?" Mike's sleep clogged voice suddenly sounded from behind me. Then, as he registered the sound of the beeping monitor, his voice became more awake. "Leo!" I heard him get up from behind me and suddenly he was beside me, grabbing at Leo's hand. I couldn't be sure what he was doing. It was probably a panicked reaction, where Mike didn't know what he was dong, either. I reached over and forecefully pried his fingers off of our dying brother. There wasn't time for that crap.

"Get Donnie." I ordered. Mike hesitated, looking down at Leo. "Now," I barked, and he stumbled to obey.

* * *

…_And I'm back in again, the blanket of darkness in the tunnel washing over me like a bucket of ice- cold water, ripping the life-givingair from my lungs and once again taking the comforting sound of my beating heart from me._

_It's still pulling me backwards. Angrier, this time. It doesn't want my brothers to win._

_But I won't let it take the prize— me. Desperately I cling to the edges of consciousness, refusing to be sucked into this bright and shining void._

_I must gather up all my strength. I must do this for not me, but for my… my brothers. For our bond._

_**"C'mon, bro..." **A voice that I now reconize as Raphael's urges me to try to get back to him- back to reality._

_Sucking my energy, I heaved myself forwards, ignoring the painful strain on my muscles…

* * *

_

Once Mike was out of the room, I adjusted myself so that I was closer to his face, lightly patting his cheek and muttering encouraging words.

"C'mon, Leo… come back, come back…"

_**Beep, beep, beep…**_

Back ta normal. I let out a sigh of relief, feeling the tension that fear provided ease slightly off of my chest.

… And he opened his eyes again. "Hold on," I whispered, more to myself than to him.

"It's hard." He croaked back. It was the first intelligible thing that he had said to me today.

"Juss keep talkin' ta me, kay?"

"T-that's hard, too," He swallowed. Time for a pep talk. Wouldn't be the first time that I've done this ta one of my dieing brothers. If I can get him to hold on for just a lil bit until Don gets here, maybe he'll live.

Maybe.

"C'mon, Leo… you're you. You've accomplished alotta hard things before, remember?" His eyes glazed over, and I patted his cheek again, harder than before. "Leo!"

_**Beep- beep. Beep- beep… Beep, beep, beep…**_

"Raph," he suddenly begged, "I-I'm trying. Help me."

I stared at 'im, unsure of what he meant.

"I'm right here, bro. Just talk ta me."

"No, n-no… Don't let it…" He was lookin' right past me at somethin' I couldn't see, sheer terror evident on his features. "I want to stay here, with you! I haven't finished… I don't want to go…"

Swallowing a lump of bitter emotion, I took his hand in mine and leaned in so close that my beak almost touched his cheek.

"Leo, hold on." I urged.

"Wanno. C-can't."

"You can. Just set your mind to it, an' you can do anythin'. You're indestructible, member?"

He smiled at me and chuckled dryly, something that looked like it took a lot of effort for him at this time. "I-I'm not indestructible. Lookit me."

"You aren't going anywhere."

He blanked out for a moment, and then returned. This time, his eyes were glazed with tears. He took a deep breath, "S-sorry. I 'm fighting. But it wants me."

"Fight harder. C'mon, Leo…"

But the look in his eyes told me that his energy was burnin' low, that he wasn't gonna last long, even if Donnie did get here in time.

And I was right. Leo began to tremble, than shake harder, and before I knew it his body was in an all-out rumble. I desperately held him against the futon, afraid that if he fell to the concrete it would cause further damage.

This definitely isn't from blood loss. The blood that Mike donated (he was the only one who had the right type) should 'ave taken care of that. …Maybe that was a stronger poison on the blade of that dagger than Don thought. Maybe the antidote didn't get rid of all of the effects…

_**Beep- beep- beep- beep…**_

Out of desperation, I call to my brother. "Donnie!" Leo was slowing to a slight tremble … "Aw, fuck. Don-ay!"

"Raph…"

"Leo, stop. You're just wastin' energy. Donnie!"

"I'm n-not gonna make it. It hurts… tell me I can g-go."

"Wha?"

"Please. I want permission…" I stopped calling Don and stared at my brother, an uncharacteristic display across his features- he was begging me.

"Ta die? Are ya outta your friggin mind?" He nodded his head weakly, answering both of my questions. I can tell my brother that it's okay ta die, or not say anything and watch him die not at ease.

Either way, both of them will haunt me for a very, very long time. Possibly for the rest of my pitiful life. Once again, I felt my eyes burn and then blur. Then they filled to the brim.

If that's what he truely wanted to hear, I'd tell him he could go. Just not yet.

There was so much that I needed to confess... so much that I wanted to say. But there wasn't enough time, and we both knew that. So, instead of stopping to think about it I spilled out hurried words that traveled at the speed of light from the top of my head to the tip of my tongue.

"Leo… listen ta what I haveta say. Just hold on for this. I've never wanted you to leave us before, bro… not even when I tried to give you the boot outta the lair. I… I read your journal. I'm sorry for that, for everything that I've ever done wrong that's affected you. And I…" I paused as I felt myself begin to give inta my tears, feeling the hot, salty liquid fall, gently stroking my cheek. "I care, bro. According to what you've written over the years, I care more than you've ever known. Tell me that you know that now. Tell me."

He looked up at me, eyes watery from more than just fatigue. "I g-get angry. I know Raph, I've always known. I love a-all my brothers."

I leaned forward, pressing my warm forehead against his cool, sweaty one.

"Then go, Leo." I said, my voice strained with tears. I distinctly heard two other beings enter the room, here Donnie's cry to 'get off', but ignored them. "Be at peace… I won't keep you."

"Thank you." He said, his weak voice barely audible over my tear- laden breaths. "A-and Raph… take care of the family… be stronger that I was. Don't give in to the pain."

_**Beep, beep, beep, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeee….

* * *

**_

_I admit I didn't need to pack all this crud into one chapter, but I hope that it was acceptable all the same. Personally, I don't think that this installment is as good as the last one… Maybe I should have left it the way it was, as a one shot. What do you guys think?_

_To Leo fans and anyone else who was affected by the result of the story: I beg you not to kill me._


End file.
